Rambles

It feels strange to write here, like I have to pretend I'm not in mourning when I am, or like I have to pretend I'm so deep in mourning that nothing else exists.

And neither's true. Both are true. It's never as simple as black and white; when we think that way, we don't just miss the shades of grey, but a full spectrum of colour.

Going through this bereavement with an understanding that I am autistic and have ADHD helps me understand a lot more about how I have handled (and not handled) grief in the past. It's still a tangled mess in my head; I might find the words one day but at the moment I'm still getting the sense and shape of it.

And this isn't where I wanted to go with my writing here today.

I've been rediscovering my tactile creative side: Ziggy (who now prefers Zigzag as a nickname. He says Zigzag is his Blood Bowl name, and his real name has been relegated to his "other name") let me play with his air-dry clay and I can see that becoming a real hyperfixation if I let it. It was pleasurable to mold the clay, and the ways it shaped surprised me. Waiting for our projects to dry so we can decorate them.

The anthology I'm published in is out in paperback here. I don't get royalties or commission or anything, but I am excited to share it.

What did I want to talk about today? I want to share my joy in the Exalted I'm playing in. I'm back in Second Age Exalted as envisiged by Rich, playing Taji alongside Bells as her twin brother, Kito. I love the relationship between the twins - I really enjoy having a close relationship with another PC. And there's wonderful relationships with the NPC's too, and they are different for each twin. Kito is terrified of Taji's lunar mate, for instance, yet Taji is utterly and deeply in love with him. She knows he's dangerous, but sees him as guardian rather than threat. Then there's the Emissary, a character from the meta but taken into his own by our GM, a friend and mentor - even a father figure - for the twins, supporting them individually as well as guiding them together. I really enjoy the depth of character Rich has created for each of the major NPC's, whether entirely his creation, or inspired by characters named in the book. The love, the fear, the laughter. It's an important part of TTRPG campaigns for me: it's the relationships that keep bringing me back.

I want to offer that to my Hunter group, help them build the bonds between the PC's and give them friendships, meaningful relationships outside as well. I want to give them the ties to make them fight harder...

I'm not sure how to do this, and I won't know what I need to learn until I've tried.

First session hopefully in Feb. Got to confirm and finalise a date.

Wish me luck!

#RPGaDay2019: Days 26-31

Monday 26th - "Idea"

Like an awful lot of people, I'd love to write a novel one day. Now, I know that when you run a game, it's bad form to have an idea for the story and prevent the players deviating from that (if that's your plan, write the book instead); however, I think there's something to be said for using games as a place to try out ideas, or seeds of ideas, for stories you want to write, and I think this is something players can do as well as GM's. As long as it doesn't detract from other people's enjoyment, I think there's a lot to be said for this method of testing ideas and concepts. Having the feedback from the interaction of others can be incredibly useful and spark new ideas that you  wouldn't necessarily have come to just writing by yourself (though I should write down when I'm inspired in a game as I tend to forget otherwise).

I'd like to try writing a novel with friends this way, in a sort of pseudo-RPG setting, where "dramatically appropriate" rules and where no one person is the GM but rather we're all co-creators of a world discussing how things may progress, probably all running a few characters but able to make suggestions to each other... 

Tuesday 27th - "Suspense"

Initially, I thought I hadn't played in many games where there was a sense of suspense, but then I thought about the current Aberrant game and Bill's death and the Protos mystery, then our repeated failures to take down the Patchwork Man in Deadlands, which hopefully will keep building to a satisfying conclusion, and the suspense of waiting to find out what's happened to Svetlana et al in Pathfinder (just knowing they're missing from our other characters' experience in the world). I've got other examples, too, but they're the easiest to express. Guess I've been left in suspense more often than I thought!

Wednesday 28th - "Love"

I love a love story! The first was in a horror game run at uni, where we played US university (college?) students on holiday who end up sucked into another world and my character ended up in a relationship with one of the other characters (based on that "fear is an aphrodisiac" concept) - the other player involved in that is now married to the other woman who played with us (the other man and I are not married). It was a short game, maybe only one session, but great fun and very effective.

Next was Kella and Reisha, which I've written about in previous years.

Then fast forward and no more romances until Svetlana and Noleski. I created a character for a Cyberpunk game and her girlfriend (to be an important NPC), but we never got to play and I can't find the character sheets anywhere (I wanted to write them up on this blog). Anyway, from Pathfinder I moved into Aberrant and deliberately created a commitment-phobe - but plot and character development saw her enter a relationship that has become steadily more frayed. I've never had the chance to roleplay a failing relationship before, so this is fun (if they just talked it might be salvageable, but if they do ever have that talk it's likely that's the end of it so they keep skirting it). Our Exalted game went on break with Taji finally entering the relationship she was hoping for, and that was a wonderful moment. I really enjoy that character and her love for her brother and now her lunar mate. And in Mage, my character has again fallen into a relationship that is certainly interesting, Ragna being sweet and incredibly naive and her girlfriend being... rather less so.

Thursday 29th - "Evolve"

If my memory serves, in a previous year we were asked how our play style had evolved and I claimed mine hadn't, really. I've subsequently realised I was wrong. There's certain aspects that stay true: I enjoy character-driven play over dungeon hack or even story driven (though character and story driven play are highly compatible) and that's always been the case, but the types of characters I get the most out of playing have changed - less, now, the innocent healers and more leaders or mother hens or prickly characters who still want the best for the team. I still prefer range if there's fighting to be done (though Chrissie'll happily get in the thick of it to throw a few punches), and still prefer the parts of the game outside the battleground (though the White Wolf/Savage Worlds games don't fill me with dread when it comes to combat the way Pathfinder does, because the combat systems are much quicker). I feel I'm getting better at making things up on the fly if I need to (though it's something I need to work on, particularly in Mage). I hope I give and continue to give other players (especially the GM) plenty to work with.

Friday 30th - "Connection"

"Emotional bleed" is a phrase I learnt a few years ago that stuck with me because I love to be so connected to my characters that I feel that emotional bleed, feel their emotions as strongly as my own. I appreciate it's not for everyone, but for me it's what makes a moment memorable.

Saturday 31st - "Last" 

This prompt is hard. I can't talk about the last game I'll ever play, or the last group I'll ever play with, like I did with "First" because I hope that's many, many years away. I don't want to talke about the most recent game I played, because it's not the last in that arc...

Oh, that makes me think! The last game in the most recent Exalted arc ended in one of my favourite endings, with Taji's lunar mate wrapping his arm around her and her leaning against him, surrounded by their friends at an outdoor celebratory party. So which are other favourite last sessions? Two come to mind, both long running campaigns at uni.

The first was Werewolf: The Apocalypse. The Galliard, the Philodox, the Ahroun, the Ragabash all died in the great battle. Only the Theurges, my Child of Gaia and Mel's Black Fury, survived. The world was different now, the changing breeds no more: Mel's character was now a full time human, and mine a full time wolf. They remained friends, though, meeting at a particular location (a lake between the woodlands and the town, as I recall), and generations after, her descendants and mine continued the tradition.

The second was Final Fantasy Noir. Kella had fallen pregnant while the party climbed Mount Gagazet, but (believing she was destined to die) she'd told no one. Reisha had died before she learnt she could survive, so he never learnt about their baby. Until after Zet was born, when Kella relaxed on the Besaid shore with her sister and her sister's twins (fathered by Rax, another party member), and a distant SPLASH caught her eye. It was Reisha, returned to life by Phoenix, with whom Reisha had a strong connection that was never quite explained. It was perfect and made me cry. 

#RPGaDay2019: Days 19-25

Monday 19th - "Scary"

I've played a few games where the hairs on the back of my neck have stood up and I've needed to take a moment to calm down after. The first was in the Renraku Arcology, and the most recent the Deadlands Asylum. Both sent real shivers down my spine, but I'll relate the Arcology one here, as it happened after the point I had notes.

Kamaya made it back into the Arcology to try and rescue her friends. They were still holed up in more or less the same place, waiting out the situation. She got bored and wanted to find out what was going on, so crept off through the ceiling vents. At one point she ended up in a toy shop, where a wall of dolls turned their glowing eyes on her and, in a chorus of sing-song voices, called her by name to come and play. The image was so vivid in my head it still gives me the shivers.

Tuesday 20th - "Noble"

This one's easy! Svetlana is the first character I've played who earned herself entry to the world of nobility, first by right of conquest - "reclaiming" part of the stolen lands for Brevoy - then earning more titles by hard work as an adventuring, and finally marrying the king.

Really looking forward to getting back to her (though on the other hand, I'm so distracted by Ziggy during our games at the moment that part of me is worried, because I want to give her more attention than I'll be able to.)

Wednesday 21st - "Vast"

One of the things I love about our Exalted game is how vast it feels, yet also how much it feels like we can affect things, like we have choice and agency and will shape the world for the future. It's an interesting balance and one I believe the players need to take some responsibility for in order to maintain it. I know how hard GM's work to breathe life into worlds. Players should respect that by acting responsibly with what the GM gives them. Which of course doesn't mean they can't have fun - "responsible" and "fun" are not synonyms - but the best games come, I think, when the GM and players work in tandem to create and believe in the characters and world, and I think that's happened in our Exalted game and the vastness - in time as well as space - of our version of Creation.

Thursday 22nd - "Lost"

I lost the first RPG group I was a part of. They were mostly guys a few years older than me, and one of them decided (pretty much without consulting me) that we were dating, and I was pretty naive for 18 and went along with it, and then he broke up with me and made out that I'd broken his heart and I know one person in the group I really admired absolutely accepted that without question (they'd been friends for many, many years so I have no anger towards her, but I miss her), and I found it easier to melt away than face it, and then I met Husbit, and then I went off to uni and made more friends both times, and it just became easier.

I regret it, though. I feel the loss of those friends. They got me through hellish teenage years and introduced me to something that remains one of my favourite hobbies.

Friday 23rd - "Surprise"

In Exalted, there's a bit coming up where I took my GM by surprise, to the point he paused us and excitedly and rapidly typed a bunch of notes. It was a pretty thrilling moment, to make the GM stop and think again about how things will unfurl. I don't want to give too much away (the things to look for are the next message my character sends to the Emissary, which he made a point of ensuring was noted, and what Taji insists be done after Hak has intervened), so instead I'm going to talk about the time a different player surprised a different GM in a game I wasn't even in, a moment that has passed into legend among certain of my friends. (The player was Ben, the friend who had me join his Space Munchkin game to introduce some of his non-RPG friends to RPG's.)

They were playing some superhero game, and Ben's character was the descendant of Arthur, King of the Britons. Had the sword Excalibur and everything. The game was set in the US, though, and the characters were ostensibly American. The game had been going on for some time when, for reasons lost in the mists of storytelling, the party ended up flung back in time to the American War of Independence. They were recruited by an American general and one job was as lookout, waiting for the news that the British were on their way then lighting lanterns to pass the message on. Ben was on duty the night an out of breath rider arrived, bearing the warning. 

"Ok," says Ben, and sends the weary man to get a rest.

"What are you going to do?" Asks the GM.

"Nothing"

"Nothing?!!"

"Nothing"

...

"Did you miss the bit on my character sheet where it says 'King of the Britons'?"

The GM never quite forgave himself for not seeing it coming (but made sure the repercussions were felt when the players returned to their own time. 

Saturday 24th - "Triumph"

We have a house rule in our Pathfinder group that if you roll a 20 for a critical and a 20 to confirm, you roll again and if it's a third 20 then it's an auto-kill. It's only happened once, and I was the one rolling. I roll a statistically improbable amount of 1's so it felt an even bigger triumph.

We'd got into a fight and were being badly beaten. There were 3 significant NPC foes and we'd gone in overconfidently (players, overconfident? Never! I hear you cry)  

Sunday 25th - "Calamity" 

It used to bother me when calamity befell my characters, but now I appreciate it as a method of enhancing storytelling. Sometimes, I want to know that things will come out ok for the characters in the long run (Svetlana, for instance), but often I'm happy letting it drive the story onward. I think a lot of this comes from that episode in Exalted I'll be writing up when I get time, the one I already mentioned briefly under "surprise".

#RPGaDay2019: Days 12-18

Monday 12th - "Friendship"

Friendships are vital for good gaming, and I've made loads of new friends that way too, and I've talked on that theme before so I'm going to talk about in character friendships instead, because those are also fantastic.

The big ones have been (more or less in chronological order): Kamaya with NPC's Drazen and Tark; Kella with PC's Kyann, Rax, and especially Reisha; Plays in Shadows and the other PC's making up her pack; Svetlana and the NPC's I created for her backstory; Chrissie and Adam; Taji and Kito, and Taji and an NPC you'll be meeting very soon in the Exalted storyline. 

We're currently playing Aberrant so I think the friendship between Chrissie and Adam is a good one to discuss! We've been joined by another player (one of those friends I've made through gaming) whose character, Morgan, is important to the team but, coming in later, isn't as close  to the other player characters as they are to each other. Chrissie and Adam's friendship is a little strained by the events leading up to and following Adam's incarceration but was forged in strong fires. They had almost polar opposite upbringings, have slightly different morals stemming from differences in their pre-nova lives, were forced together by circumstance (and Benedict...) and have done their best to save the world (or at least make it a better place) many times.

Tuesday 13th - "Mystery"
Running a mystery game is hard. You need to leave breadcrumbs that will seem way to obvious to you, yet your players either will completely misinterpret or won't pick up at all, then you have to figure out how to guide them out of the rabbit holes without making it too obvious, because if it takes too long or feels too hard, the players won't have fun. I've always wanted to play in a mystery campaign, but have no idea where to start to run one.

Back to Aberrant (and friendship). We're currently playing a mystery scenario. Chrissie had a friend in her backstory, Bill, who's recently been killed! Investigating, Chrissie found clues he'd left that only she could find, leading to the word "Protos". We've now spent several sessions trying to figure out what on earth is so important about "Protos" that Bill went to such effort to hide it in such a way only Chrissie could find it. We've definitely gone down several wrong paths and the GM has helped us out by rephrasing things or giving us new ways to find information. We've finally tracked down the people behind the word, but still don't know what it all means...

 Wednesday 14th - "Guide"
There's a real joy to be had in being a guide bringing new people to table top roleplay. My best experience in this role was at uni, where a friend of mine on my course and also in the roleplay society wanted to introduce some other friends of his to gaming. He ran Space Munchkin, and invited me along to show them what it was all about, and act as a cattalyst to keep things moving. I played a cat person wiht force powers and incontrollable curiosity - the other players were soon having their characters grab my tail to yank me away from any red button or hatch labelled "do not open". It was great fun to play someone that reckless, and it was great fun to see them enjoying something they'd never done before.

Thursday 15th - "Door"
I love welcoming new players to roleplay. I think it's a fantastic hobby that gives benefits in normal life. You hear about hobby gatekeepers, but I think it's important and wonderful to hold the door open to everyone who's interested.

Friday 16th - "Dream"
I start a new job in a few weeks, and I'm anxious about it because it'll mean less time with Ziggy. Less time for my hobbies, too, but missing Ziggy is my biggest anxiety. The dream, then, is to have a job that pays enough to meet our outgoings and lead a comfortable lifestyle but that also has minimal (and flexible) hours. This was, I believe, a promise of automation that we haven't seen (there's a rant I could go off on...).

I was chatting about it with my regular GM. If I won big enough on the lottery, I'd love to be able to pay my friends to play with me (and especially the GM, because I think they put the most work into a game). He, in turn, would set up an office and employ us all to help develop the game he's working on. With an ice cream machine and mandatory naps.

I kinda hope he does win the lottery!


Saturday 17th - "One"
I was really struggling with this prompt and asked Husbit's help. He suggested one on one sessions, mentioning the Deadlands one he ran at the Asylum, which was effectively 4 one on one sessions, rotating between the players. He did a really good job of bringing personal horror into it and amping up the dread. I think this is something easier to do one on one, as the GM can really focus on that one player, and the player isn't distracted by other players' responses.

My most recent one on one session was in Aberrant, where I'd missed a session so played through the time separately later. I feel like I got a lot more done in that one session than in the normal group, which again goes to the way players are like cats: easier individually, but a nightmare to herd.

Sunday 18th - "Plenty" 
The one thing I have plenty of for roleplay is dice! I've played diceless and there's other diceless systems that interest me, but I do love rolling great handfuls of dice.

#RPGaDay2019: Days 5-11

Monday 5th - "Space"

I'm going to borrow from Autocratik and talk about our gaming space. We had a decent-sized wooden table with benches rather than chairs that had a homemade 6' by 4' gaming table over the top, complete with static grass. It made a decent table through several flats, but when we moved to this house, the previous owners left their table - longer and with actual chairs. It's in the dining room, an extension of the kitchen (so very convenient for coffees). The previous owners originally wanted a conservatory, but found it too hot in the summer and cold in the winter, so made it into a permanent structure instead. In keeping with their intention, though, the room has large skylights and windows, so feels light and airy. We've got a couple of bookshelves in there, to store dice and books for current games (the other books are in the Kallax in the study), and the toy cars for Gaslands, which Husbit's got really into recently.

I prefer to play sitting on sofas and the floor, but I'm outnumbered in this group, and the space is good.

Tuesday 6th - "Ancient"

I love settings with ancient tech, no longer understood. I'd very much like to play Numenera one day, but my experience in this comes a little from the Final Fantasy-themed game I played in at uni and largely from the Exalted game where I play Taji. I really enjoy whenever we find something ancient and try to learn about it in that game - made a little easier by a certain NPC (or two... or three) who remember those days.

A good example was the recent Exalted post "Our First Command", where we found some old tech stolen from the tombs of ancient Solars (and where I rolled a triple botch and accidentally triggered a defective Thousand Forged Dragon, destroying all the evidence and some of the loot we'd found). The next post is one I'm really excited about, because it will introduce one of my favourite NPC's, and one of those who remembers the First Age when all this tech that seems so magical to Taji and Kito was considered as commonplace as a mobile phone today...

Wednesday 7th - "Familiar"

I like the idea of having a familiar, but have never played a character with one. Animal companions once or twice, but never yet a familiar. I'm torn between whether I'd want a cat, a kestrel (or similar raptor), or a crow (or other corvid) - or maybe a rat or a ferret or a snake or a spider... It's definitely on my list to do one day, in the right game (maybe this one). 

Thursday 8th - "Obscure"

The most obvious way to take this, to me, was to discuss an obscure game I've played, but I can't think of one, so instead I've gone to the verb meaning.

Generally, I dislike it when one player obscures the truth from others, but there's times it's great fun on both sides. I generally enjoy it more when it's some dark secret from the character's background but also when it's something coming from gameplay - as long as it isn't the character working against the others and as long as it comes out quickly. I get anxious with hidden secrets, even benign ones. Husbit loves them. His character Alexei in Pathfinder has a lot going on (though I swear half the time he and the GM are just passing notes that say "this is a secret note"). Another character in our other Pathfinder game has some secrets that are starting to come to light, but these were more character secrets than player secrets, and came from backstory.

I did once have great fun being the player with the secret, when Svetlana was sneaking around with the group's patron, the king of Brevoy. We resolved it quickly, but I finally understood why Husbit enjoys obscuring secrets so much.

Friday 9th - "Critical"
I'm sure I've said it before, but the thing I consider most critical to a good game is playing with people who want the same thing as you. In my case, that's lots of character-driven story so those people also need to be people I'm comfortable getting vulnerable with. It's part of why the Exalted game is so dear to me: there's a large world to explore, but the story is made by the way the player characters, Taji and Kito, interact  with each other and the vast stable of NPC's. I think the closeness of the twins helps - I also really enjoyed a Pathfinder one-off where we played mentor and mentee in a similarly close way - and the life the GM has breathed into the NPC's is the icing on the very yummy cake.

Saturday 10th - "Focus"
I feel like I'm being told off! I don't have AD(H)D but my brain often sprints off after the proverbial squirrel regardless. It therefore seems most apt to discuss the things that send us shooting off topic the fastest! I'm sure all groups have them, key words, phrases, or concepts that derail play until the rabbit hole is cleared. Ours include:

• certain in-jokes (Did it move? Classic Paul! Boats do a lot of damage...)
• ridiculous conspiracy theories (flat Earth gets a little attention, but our ire is reserved for anti-vaxxers. Flat Earth is just silly, the way they produce experiments and refuse to accept the results, but anti-vaxx isn't just dangerous for those involved, but also those around them, such as those Ziggy's age, or those with compromised immune systems, or those with allergies that mean they can't be vaccinated, or anyone else who relies on herd immunity)
• the ridiculousness of the US healthcare system. We live somewhere that (currently) has free healthcare and it seems crazy to us that a country with the economic success of the US doesn't offer the same. It particularly came up in our Mage game, when we got shot and had to work out if we could afford to go to hospital... We were so shocked by what we read that we keep coming back to it
• Books, films, TV shows that mirror things in game - or just that have got one of us hooked recently and we want to share our new obsession

Of course, it's Ziggy who most often derails things now! 

Sunday 11th - "Examine" 
This wasn't a game I was in, but one Husbit ran for our friends while I was away at uni. A Ravenloft game, with lots of gothic horror and personal tragedy. They'd finished a dungeon hack-style encounter and had emerged, blinking, into the sunshine. Husbit described the scene: the fields, the clear sky, the fields, their horses happily eating the grass and still tied to the tree, the kestrel sitting in the tree watching.

There followed an in character conversation that lasted around an hour debating what to do with this kestrel. Was it food?, a threat?, a spy?.. Husbit has told this story with two punchlines. The kestrel was due to be the ranger's animal companion... the kestrel was an incidental bit of scenery with no significance.

#RPGaDay2019 - Days 1-4

1st - "First"

My first gaming group were some of the staff from my local Games Workshop and their friends. I'm struggling to remember who was actually in the group: Andy, because he was GM; Tom, because from there he invited me to the Shadowrun game that was how I became completely hooked; their housemate Paul. I think there were others, but I can't remember except I was the only girl in the group and the last to join.

It felt a real honour to have been invited. We played ourselves in a game of Buffy set in our local area. We had a Watcher but no slayer (what with her being off in Sunnydale). We'd all ended up dragged into this supernatural world by dint of things we'd seen or experienced. Andy, as GM, occasionally played himself but was keen not to be dragged into the game properly so played himself as an obstacle: we had to keep things secret from those not involved, and that included him. We played in their living room; they lived round the corner from the local firestation and I can't remember if we ever managed it or only wanted to steal a fire engine and fill it with holy water to go on a rampage...

They were good guys who helped me through the worst of being a teenager.

2nd - "Unique"

There's certain themes my characters will nearly always have one or more of: child-like innocence, kindness, an affinity for fire, a preference for ranged weaponry. My Ravnos 'Mathilde' was an exception. She was cruel, a bully, a trickster - completely against my self-image or my desires, but still great fun to play (with the right group). Definitely unique amongst my characters - the nettle among the daisies.

3rd - "Engage"

The death of G+ has changed the way I engage with the international roleplay community, making it a lot harder to do. I'm really sad about that. The alternative social networks don't work for me, for different reasons, and I feel the loss of that community.

I'm staying in touch with the blogs I remembered to bookmark, and am hoping this blog is still enjoyed by those who can still find it.

4th - "Share"

Speaking of the blogs I remembered to bookmark, you can see them down the side! What did I miss? Let me know! :)

Exalted - Our First Command

This is the story of our Second Age Exalted game, told from the point of view of my character, Cathak Taji. Click here for the index.

~~~

 

We headed north, knowing we couldn't take on the Bull (yet) but determined to learn as much about him as possible. The journey was uneventful: we rested at Port Kaylen, where the gate guard slept as we walked past. The inn we stayed in was cheap, pleasant in itself, but run by a harridan. We were back at Highcastle by the next evening. Rey greeted us with good news: she'd been reassigned with us as the Empress pulled some strings after our visit, and was glad to be out of the cold. She led us to Rose Black and the leader of House Tepet to make our promotion official. Our new unit was the 73rd Regiment, a scale within the 33rd Legion. Our first mission had the primary objective of coming back alive: to the north was The Hold of White Idols, a rice farming region whose produce supplied much of the Realm and Threshold, but they'd gone quiet recently and we were to learn why. On our way, we were to stop at a holding of one of the lesser Houses of Ledaal. She gave us a Hearthstone amulet that would allow us to contact her, our medals of office showing us as Scale Lords, and sent us on our way.

We picked our way through the campsite to reach our scale, their tents in a semicircle that broke the perfect order of the camp. 6 who appeared to be normal humans, and 6 Dynasts: 3 from Tepet, 2 from Cathak and 1 Ledaal, Sven. He called us "kids", but I managed not to rise to his baiting. We were young, and I knew we'd soon prove we were there on merit.

They were the troublemakers, which delighted me. It meant they could think.

We found a rabbit in Kito's bed that night. I was set to punish them or at least get revenge, but Kito calmed me and I listened. We fashioned it a harness and named it 'Ghost' and kept it as a mascot. It was a sweet thing, white with black spots.

We left in the morning and got to know our unit as we travelled. Cathak Cainan was particularly grizzled and seemed to have the most leadership experience. The other member of our House, Kou, was the youngest of the Dynasts, an Immaculate Monk wearing a tunic with a leaping flame motif. House Tepet was represented by Rihannon, a blonde-haired older woman with a reaper diklaive and an excellent cook, Elena, who felt familiar until it struck me she reminded me of the Rose Black, and Hoarst, whose bald head was one of the shiniest things I'd ever seen, and who seemed... shifty. He kept grumbling about the cold. Ledaal Sven had fair hair and skin, blue eyes and light stubble, and seemed young and irreverent. Everything was a joke to him - I had no doubt he was behind Ghost's appearance. Of the mortals, Osada and Iki were married. They wore full plate armour as though it were nothing, and had strange amulets grafted into their wrists. Matsu Dairu had a pair of ornate guns with which he was very skilled.

After half a day's travel, Sven was already bored. We could hear running water and headed toward it. Before we reached the river, we found a giant rock gouged with great clawmarks indicating we were passing into an Anathema's territory. After a quick discussion, we decded to take the risk as the river would vastly speed up our travel. Once we reached it, Cainan oversaw the building of a raft while Rihannon, a good fisherman and cook, prepared a meal. Osada, Rey, Elena and I secured the perimeter, and I learnt more about Osada and Iki's armour. It wasn't full plate, but "gonzai" armour, linked to the amulets. It's a special kind of power armour that can be used by those who can't normally channel essence, but it halves their lifespan. In thanks for such a sacrifice, the Realm promises to look after their families and gives them a command. He met Iki through this, and they're here rather than commanding their own unit because they're coming to the end of their time and "well, I'm not the type to die in bed, so I'm refusing to retire." I could respect that.

Cainan and I were sharing watch when the tyrant lizard attacked that night, crashed through the trees towards our camp. I fired arrows into it as Cainan swung at it. It bent its mighty head and caught him in his jaws, lifting to swallow him, but in that instant he flared so that it looked like it was breathing fire for a moment and cut his way free, the sword getting wedged as he finally fell. I fired an arrow into its open mouth and must have hit a nerve that caused the jaws to snap shut, lodging the sword deep into the creature's brain. We looked at each other with the joy of hard fought victory. There's good eating on a tyrant lizard. Rihannon joined us in time to organise the creature's dissection, splitting the parts into edible, valuable, useful and detritus.

The river raced us along until we reached an offshoot used to irrigate the fields of the Ledaal holding. We saw fewer people than we'd expected, but it seemed to be very efficient. Overseers stared as we floated past,visibly relaxing when they saw the  Imperial red armour worn by some of the unit.

After tying up the raft, we were led to Overseer Vash, a corpulent man grown comfortable in his position. He introduced us to his servant George and showed us around. Housing for the workers and livestock was pointed out and dismissed as he led us to the gardens, replete with ornate topiaries and pristine lawns and flower beds. Even the ivy clinging to the buildings was immaculate. The stables housed horses of particularly fine eastern stock. As we approached the main house, servants tripped out and lined up as though for an inspection. Vash then offered his hospitality for as long as we might want, his obsequious bow and unctuous grin failing to hide his desire it wouldn't be long: with so many Dynasts in our party, perhaps he thought he was being replaced. He then began a detailed tour of the house, and this was when we noticed Hoarst was missing. Kito left Sven in charge, and we snuck off to look for him.

We found him in a study, feet on table, flicking through paperwork, looking, he explained, for any dodgy dealings. Behind him, a painting rested on the floor to expose a safe in the wall, the open door revealing a jewellery box filled with large gems, and two talents of yellow jade! Hoarst chuckled at our shocked expressions. 

"There was more." He indicated the paperwork. "Our Overseer Vash has been dealing with the Azlanti." And not just the Azlanti: he showed us where 12 talents had been paid to the Azlanti, 5 to the Guild (for slaves), and finally 5 to the Realm. Payments had been coming later and later and with less and less interest, so the Realm had become suspicious. This was the real reason we'd been told to go via this site. He explained something the Rose Black had omitted telling us: each member of our unit has their own purpose and their own mission. This was his.

As we helped him restore the room, I discovered a secret compartment in the safe, holding a key labled 73256. Hoarst pocketed the guide and promised to keep digging, but seemed genuinely impressed I'd found the key. We rejoined the tour briefly: Sven was doing a fantastic job of keeping Vash occupied, so we slipped off again to look for a bigger safe. 

 

Kito suggested the wine cellar, figuring a safe as large as we're expecting would have to be underground. As we walked, Hoarst explained the unit's recent history. The previous leader, Scale Lord Chow, faced down an Anathema so the rest could escape, but even so half the unit had died. 

The wine cellar was filled with expensive bottles of wine and spirits, and barrels of various sizes, up to some several metres in diameter laid on their sides. One of these sounded empty so I fiddled around and found a catch that opened the front, revealing a large metal door. The key fitted the latch, and the number turned out to be the code. The wall the barrel had been pressed against wasn't, as it had appeared, been the edge of the cellar. While the room had been large, where we now stood was even larger. The size and structure made us think the room had to be Shogunite, or even older, but was clearly in current use. The wine stored here was worth even more than that we'd already seen. There were green jade talents stacked fairly near the door, artworks and other items dotted around. Kito found a small box in green jade. Opening it, we found 8 needles around the length of a finger and the diameter of a stem of wheat, 2 in each of the magical materials. We recognised them as Wound Healing Needles and hid them in my bag. A fine pair of gloves next caught our eyes, chased in orichalcum. The left included a Hearthstone socket. Kito identified them as Gloves of Martial Readiness, and again we squirrelled them away. I picked up a small orichalcum chevron, that could clip over a belt buckle, and spent a moment attuning to it. Throwing it to the ground caused it to expand until I could stand on it, hovering. It responded to my awkward movements and my feet felt secured. With practice, I knew it would make a very useful archery platform (I'd later learn it was known as a Wind Blade Class Personal Transport, and it remains one of my favourite possessions). Finally was another small jade box, with motifs picked out in moonsilver, locked and dusty like it had been discarded. Kito attuned to this which allowed him to open it and discover a plasma tongue repeater, like the one the Highcastle Quarter Master had given us, complete with ammo. I restored my wind blade to belt buckle sized and shared a look with Kito: there was a lot of orichalcum in the room.

What we found there made us look more closely at the yellow jade Hoarst had found in the office. Stamped by the Imperial Mint but dated to the first 5 or 6 years of the Shogunite. We took these and rejoined our unit, throwing the jade down in front of Vash with our accusations. He prevaricated and tried to justify himself, but before he got far Elena's blade flashed past, beheading him. I was shocked and angry, wanting to hear more, especially about where he'd found the orichalcum items (Anathema tombs, but we didn't learn the location), and frustrated that she was acting on orders from above me and about which I knew nothing. I understood this wasn't unusual in an army situation, but I felt undermined and that was nearly unbearable. I suppressed my feelings and gave instructions to split up and find more evidence.

As the others amassed paperwork and such in the great hall, I found a hidden room behind the kitchen - I had to squirm through the back of a cupboard to reach it. Inside was a strange device, with an array of buttons and blinking lights. I didn't recognise any of the symbols and curiously tapped a couple of the buttons. The lights and some symbols changed. I tapped again, and the blinking intensified. An alarm sounded. I frantically batted more of the buttons until the blinking and alarm synced into what sounded like a countdown. I bolted from the strange room and started yelling for everyone to evacuate. As I reached the edge of the gardens, I saw a large, metal dragon-shape break out of the house and explode. I was shaken but not injured, unlike Kito who'd been trying to rescue servants. He was bleeding profusely when I found him, badly bruised all over with his leg twisted beneath him. We laid him out carefully, and I tested the needles. To my relief, they worked. Guards came running over, but Sven led them off. I instructed our unit to clear the ruin, and we got the surviving servants to prepare the guest house as the main residence.

 

As Kito came to, he pointed out there was no essence in the area. The device must have been similar to a Thousand Forged Dragon, though with less destructive power. All the same, it shouldn't have been possible to accidentally enter the launch code. Either I got very, very unlucky, or those things have a lifespan and become unstable towards the end. That might explain why there was less damage, too... Either way, I was just grateful my brother was ok and the damage not as bad as it might have been.

Mage - Introductions

This is the story of our Mage game, told from the perspective of my character Ragna "Reagan" Halvorsen. Index here.

~~~

1st March 2016

I sat among the other hopefuls, waiting for my turn. While they ran lines in their heads and practiced faces and poses, I centred my breathing as I moved between yoga poses and looked over their auras, seeing the nerves, the confidence, the hopes and fears of every other audition room I'd been in. This time, I was going to try something different and needed my mind in the right place.

When they called my name, I walked to the stage and looked out, through their auras, into their minds to see what they thought they were looking for, and deeper, to what they actually wanted. They were mostly bored, but I got their attention anyway. A little life magic can add sparkle like that.

It's not cheating, using the gifts I inherited from my mormor. After all, I could be using her name and her agency to get parts. At least this way I'm doing it myself.

They smiled as they thanked me. I smiled back and hid the relief. A chocolate milk commercial might not be much, but it had lines and that's a start.

Caervus, the man who'd initiated me to the Euthanatoi tradition a few months ago, met me outside. He gave me an address and told me to be there at 9pm, before slipping away in his mysterious manner. I raced to my waitressing shift - long as usual, still lacking any high powered film producer who might cast me as the lead in his movie. Managed to find the right buses to get me across town to what turned out to be an occult store. You know the type, lots of dangling charms and trays of gemstones (many fake), and tarot cards behind glass, and a funny smell from mismatched incense. Confused and shy, I spoke to the guy behind the counter. He led me creaking stairs to a landing so decrepit I felt sure I'd fall through - he went back to his store and left me there, so I went through the only door.

To somewhere bright and sunny, but cool (or at least, cooler than LA). The ground was made of carved stones and a pool glistened. Snowy mountains in the distance. Caervus came over and explained this place is a meeting place for new members, and I won't be back here for a while.

"Your path coincides with another for now. This is Marcus Waite." 

Older than me, maybe mid-20's. Dark hair, styled longer on top and shorter on the sides with a purple tinge, dark eyes. Was wearing ragged jeans and a white shirt under his long coat, the way he was nearly always dressed, I'd come to learn. He removed his headphones as we were introduced. Caervus explained he's further on his path and will be teaching me. Gave him my number and he left, then Caervus wished me luck and gave me a blessing. Felt a bit sad when I realised I wouldn't be seeing him for a while. Initiation isn't gentle and he supported me through it.

When I left, I saw the door stood with in the middle of the balcony. Marcus was waiting, took me for a coffee and we chatted. He was from the East coast, played in bands and came here for a record deal that fell through. Caervus found him in a particularly bad spot - he looked haunted by it and I didn't ask more. The more we talked, the more I thought Mormor would like him.

He took me to meet a mysterious "someone". The house was typical suburban, maintained with pride. Before we went in, Marcus explained I was here to have a reading, which I should only discuss with him, and any questions should be to him not her - she "gets funny".

The lady was African American. I'm no expert on accents, but I think she was from somewhere South. She looked older than Mormor looks, but not as old as Mormor is. She had a nice smile and ushered me into a candlelit room, sat me down in front of a table covered in a deep velvet cloth. Talked me through the cards. She clearly knew what she was doing, but I felt dazzled by it and came away only understanding I had a lot to learn.

Marcus got us a cab home, somehow getting away without paying for it.

2nd March 2016

Marcus was worried about a friend of his who'd gone missing, and wanted me to check out a laundromat in Chinatown where there were rumours of strange goings on. Warned me "be circumspect" so I 'accidentally' spilled somethng down my uniform at the end of my shift and headed over, humming to myself - singing to the building. There was a tingle of ... something. I couldn't place it. Went in and talked to the guy, but I couldn't get a read on him. As I tried, a strange, skinny guy came in so I left. Back out on the street, I tried to pinpoint what I'd sensed before, sketching a circle and trying to focus through that onto the building, but the skinny guy reappeared, and everywhere I went he seemed to follow. Went back in and arranged to collect my uniform the next day - try again then. The strange guy offered me a lift home, which I eventually accepted. Howard. Think he was surprised when I got him to drop me off in Beverly, and Mormor, of course, teased me mercilessly.

Shadowrun - Other survivors and a ray of hope

The final instalment in the write up of the Shadowrun game I played in as a teen. Index here.

The game continued long after this, but I only wrote notes for these sessions.

~~~

By now, they were tired. They wanted to get back to the others to warn them about the drones and possible security risks. Drazen cut through the wall in hope to lose any pursuers. A medusa attacked them. Again, they were lucky to get away before the explosion.

An office slightly further down also had blood smeared across it, leading out the front. Drazen stuck his head out quickly to see where it led, and noticed guards exiting the lift. They ran down the offices in a slight panic. A medusa jumped from the ceiling at them, but 3 people appeared and laid into it with sticks. One was killed outright by the metal beast, but it was destroyed with Maya and Drazen's help.

They were pulled into the ceiling and held there in silence as guards and drones passed beneath them, heading towards the hot dog warehouse the others were fortified in. Once the danger had passed, Maya and Drazen insisted on rescuing their friends, whilst Dave, an ex-candy floss seller, and Renneck, a dwarf who had been Christmas shopping, waited in the roof panels. Between the group, all the security was killed, and Dave and Renneck led them into the ceilings. Jaz was still in no condition to be moved far, so Tark and Ryan stayed with her as the others were led through the air vents and similar shafts to the others in the small band of survivor. Cal, an office first aider, reluctantly attempted to patch up Keneda, the worst off of the group. A small girl called Mel, and an old woman known as 'Gran' also sheltered by the large fan in the freezing tunnels.

Meanwhile, a Medusa had discovered Ryan and had pulled him through the ceiling to the ground. Tark destroyed it with a spell, and Ryan and Jaz miraculously survived the ensuing explosion. As soon as Maya heard it, she insisted they returned. A stretcher was improvised from Keneda's climbing gear, and the Colonel agreed to carry her. Ryan was also fairly messed up again.

Back in the larger area the survivors lived, talk again was turning to escape. Mel offered to take Jaz's place as decker, but it was deemed too dangerous for her. Dave offered to lead Keneda, Maya, Tark and Drazen towards the monorail station, as Maya and Drazen (not pleased that Ryn had turned himself invisible and returned to the others without sending help) had heard explosions from that direction. Gryn, the man who'd been killed rescuing them, had been the only one who really knew the tunnels, but the path was fairly straightforward.

The going was slow, but a plan was formed: Tark and Ryn summoned lots of weak spirits, then Ryn turned the Colonel, Drazen and Maya invisible. Renneck threw grenades from an air vent into a security office whilst Tark cast an illusion of a group of shadowrunners running a different route to the one taken by the invisible people. Keneda shot anyone who came close to the illusion. The Colonel got the 3 into the monorail tunnel as a mage saw through Tark's illusion, and everything turned towards the 2 hidden in the air vents. A spirit, whose master was killed in astral combat by Tark, removed the invisibility spell from the Colonel, who was killed medusas in the tunnel, as Drazen and Maya sprayed bullets into the few blue-eyed guards at the end, by the hole they planned to escape through, and the spinning dervishes, medusas and spider drones surrounding them. Once the Colonel was dead, Drazen became visible. Droids started to attack him. Maya shot some as she ran to the exit, providing him with the chance to win, but she became visible and was also attacked. Drazen came to her rescue, and they bundled through the hole in the wall.

They were outside the arcology, but far from safe.

Exalted - Calibration and Manse Building

This is the story of our Second Age Exalted game, told from the point of view of my character, Cathak Taji. Click here for the index.

~~~

It was the run up to Calibration in the year 757, making us 17. We'd been in the army a couple of years, been promoted a few times. Reilly sent us back to Rose Black at High Castle, not giving us time to see Rey before we left. When we got there, the quartermaster greeted us: we'd sent back the various things he'd asked for every opportunity we'd had, and to show us his gratitude he gave us a power bow and a flame tongue repeater, with ammo pearls and a kit to make more.

My overriding memory of our return to High Castle was the sheer number of Dynasts strutting around the place. Rose Black called us to her as soon as she could, to explain that we'd been in the army long enough to be allowed home for an extended period, even to leave. However, she continued, they had a continuing real problem with beastmen and we'd proven ourself against them, and in particular she was worried by a threat from the north, an Anathema calling themselves "The Bull of the North". If we came back, she'd give us our own command. We looked at each other, torn: I wanted to go home and see my family, but I liked Rose Black a lot, and I knew this would help the Empress too, and beastmen were a menace, and I think Kito felt similarly. She read our inner conflict and told us we didn't have to make a decision until after Calibration and sent us back to Gruncle's.

The Emissary joined us to travel back and invited us to a sorcerors' meet, a feast from the end of the First Age. It's held on the nights when the rituals to summon the most dangerous demons must begin: by gathering the most powerful sorcerors together, this can't happen without knowledge. The Realm doesn't following the tradition and it's fallen out of practice. He wants to bring it back. The Empress can't attend due to her position (though says she may come in disguise).

We talked with him about Lunar's Warriors. He called them Stewards and explained they're paired with Lawgivers. The Bull of the North, we learn, is a Lawgiver, but won't be open to negotiation: he'll see us as representing a force trying to oppose him. The Emissary showed uncharacteristic emotion then, looking demonstrably worried: there should be 300 Lawgivers, but he only knows of Tsung (the Seer) and the Azure Titan (our former incarnations' mentor). With the Bull of the North, that's 4, or 6 if he's right about our destiny.

When we reached Gruncle's, Hak's there and we showed him the bush where Kito saw the mouse. He told us we're truly blessed. 

Once we'd been greeted by everyone and been fed and fussed, I sought Gruncle alone in his office - the one with the stunning view over the Estate that makes it look like the grounds are aflame as the sun sets. It was an awkward conversation, but I walked away  reassured that if Kito and I do end up Anathema then he will at least still talk to us, and he knew I understood he would protect us as best he could, but had to put the safety of the House first.

And then the Emissary told us it was time to leave for the feast. He drew a glass globe from his sleeve and dropped it to the floor, where it shattered to dust that rose to create a shimmering, transparent door. He opened it and ushered us into a corridor of similar doors, with large double doors at one end. Others of the doors like we'd entered by opened and people came through until around 25 people stood there. We walked through the main doors and I realised we were approaching a manse, somewhere in Elsewhere - that place that isn't the Wyld, isn't Creation, but is everywhere else. From the steps to the Manse door walked down two inhuman women, perfect mirror to each other, with strange metallic tattoos or engravings across their skin.

Most of the guests seemed snobby. Not rude towards us, exactly, but uninterested. The Seer - Tsung - was about the only exception, and the Emissary didn't seem entirely pleased by our acquaintance. We didn't recognise him to begin with, but I, at least, was pleased to see him. We talked to him about things we'd struggled to get others to explain to us, and finally learnt the significance of the white mouse and the symbol Kito had seen: a boon from the Unconquered Sun, a symbol of his favour, a moment of luck or inspiration to help overcome insurmountable odds, and very, very rare. His favourites may see one or two in their entire lives.

The food was incredible, which made up for how lonely it started to feel.

In the morning, the Emissary took us and Hak to check on some of his freeholdings in the west, leading us through a set of sliding doors to a mountainside overlooking the ocean. An archipelago stretched out, leading to a larger island in the northeast, but we walked away from the view toward the mountaintop, a blackened caldera. The heat haze and a wisp of smoke showed this to be dormant, not extinct. All the same, even at the centre the heat felt merely uncomfortable and not deadly as I'd expected. As the Emissary reached through the solid rock, I activated my All Encompassing Sorceror's Sight and realised there were no elementals around. He pulled on an orichalcum chain the other side of the rock, and the heat dissipated, the mountain melting with it to leave an evergreen forest. It felt unnatural: we hadn't left the tropical region, so these trees were distinctly out of place. 

"This is the first freehold," our expressions led him to explain more. "A freehold is a stable area in the Wyld," and he went on to explain the Wyld we'd been in before had been the Border Marches. We were now in the Middle Marches and beyond that was the Deep Wyld, chaos unformed. I looked more closely at our surroundings and realised we stood in a bubble: there was a distinct circumference around us where the trees and bushes were well-formed, moreso even than in Creation, but beyond that things started to blur.

We followed the Emissary as he led us to the Deep Wyld, the bubble continuing to protect us. A path formed as he trod, and we took care to stay on it. Beyond that was darkness - the darkness of a child's room, filled with monsters. Nothing there, yet everything.

He created a safe area for the 3 of us to wait in while he worked, and we chatted with Hak. He told us he'd never been to the Deep Wyld before: Viziers like him rely on Ambrosia - on prayers made manifest - but Lawgivers, frustrated by the limitations of Ambrosia, had learnt to manipulate the Wyld. 

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Very."

Golems stepped into existence around the Emissary, 12ft tall and golden. No, not gold: orichalum. Once there were 12, they knelt to him; he looked discomforted by the servitude, and tired by their creation. They returnedwith us, and Hak quietly explained to Kito and me that things created in the Wyld become unstable in Creation - further magics are required to give them solidity here, or they degrade. The magics were lost in the First Age: maybe 5 people have the knowledge now, and only 3 the power. 

The Emissary sent the golems around the island, which I now realised the caldera marked the very centre of, as we sat on its edge. He waited about 40 minutes - to allow them to get to the right places or for the sun to be in the right place, I wasn't sure - then clapped his hands as though into prayer and was hit by a torrent of light from the sun, cascading from him to flood the island until it reached what I surmised were the golems: 12 beams of light returned to the sky and expanded out to create a shield. As soon as the shield was complete, a 4-armed creature climbed from the soil to patrol the island, and magma began to bubble, rising from the ash of the caldera to reveal a simple sructure made of a composite of the 5 magical materials. The domed roof opened and the Emissary sank in.

Hak looked interested. As far as he'd known, only one person could do this, and that was the first sorceror, who'd been given her power by the Unconquered Sun.

A door appeared in the structure and the Emissary stepped out. He explained he had 30 planned, but could only manage maybe 10 this Calibration. Our offer of help was accepted, and Kito summoned a cloud to take us to the next location, a tiny rock in the ocean barely big enough for the 4 of us. The remaining golems (slightly smaller now) took their places beneath the waves and again pillars of light rose from them. The island seemed to shift as the ritual continued; once complete, a throne of glass waves stood before us, with a basin on a pedestal. The Emissary scooped out the ball bobbing in the bowl and explained there was a second manse below, which he'd created in a set of ancient ruins, and that was the relay manse to match the one he'd created earlier.

We took a portal to Gruncle's garden: stepping through felt a lot like walking through the Deep Wyld.

I peppered the Emissary with questions, of course. Manses are created during Calibration and are best given years of planning. There are many ways to use a manse that have been lost since the First Age - to learn more about that, I'd need to Meru herself, but the great city is no longer on top of the Imperial Mountain. He'd looked and found nothing but the ruins of hovels, long picked clean: no signs of the glory of the city.

There were feasts every night for the next four nights. The other guests continued to be uninterested in interacting with us, but the food and drink were phenomenal. The mirrored twins wore increasingly elaborate outfits: black fabric that flowed like water; a strange, metallic or stone-like material in white and silver; greens in a leafy, flowery, viney pattern; and finally, flickering, fiery reds.

We helped build manses again the second day, again in very remote spots: a section of a tropical island gave a multi-tiered tree; a four-armed statue of the Unconquered Sun, facing the Realm, above a small bay, where a rock formation created a natural wind tunnel that enhanced the sound of the crashing waves; an abandoned mine in the side of an equally abandoned quarry became a steel disc inscribed with runes supporting a throne and pedestal on a small island not far from a Shadowland (which had grown a lot since his last visit, 200 years perviously). On some of these, I saw statues as we left: the golems settling to take the exact appearance of those statues outside Nexus, with the Emissary's features.

The Emissary didn't take us if he did anymore on later days, but Mum took me to a manse in the north of the Realm to attune the hearthstone in her bracers.

It was good to spend time with our family, because we'd made up our minds what to tell Rose Black: the Bull of the North was a real threat, one even I appreciated we couldn't take on yet, but we would need to one day, so we might was well take the opportunity to learn as much about him as possible with our own recon unit.