Monday Update

Health Update

Has been a hectic year already. I feel like I can't get well at the moment, but I realised that my asthma is utterly out of control. It might sound stupid that I didn't realise sooner, but I've had several colds - I have a four year old, so that's expected - and I'm still dealing with grief and a broken finger and my mental health is shaky.

The finger is healing. I only need to wear the splint for risky activities, so aerial, when I'm sleeping (because I fidgit a lot) and when I'm playing with my little one (because it's hard for him to be sufficiently careful). It still hurts in the joint nearest the break, and there's always going to be a deformity there, which is a bit annoying but shouldn't affect function so I don't mind.

The big issue is how bad my asthma is, and I feel like if I can get it back under control then I might be able to make better progress in other areas. There's a lot going on in my brain and body, and the asthma is potentially an easy win.

 

Writing Update

I wanted to get a story in to Cloaked Press's sidekick themed summer collection, but the deadline is this week and with everything else going on I don't think I'm going to get there in time. I feel like I'm a week behind in my brain. A group of friends and I are working on a collection of post-apocalyptic short stories that will be published via Amazon. I'm hoping to get at least 2 stories in that, both of which have been rattling around my brain for a long time.

 

Roleplay Update

No games to report on; Hunter is an ad hoc arrangement, and Exalted hasn't been on for the last couple of weeks because I've been so ill and my GM had a conference. We are at a super exciting place in Exalted, though! We were tasked with finding out more about Death Knights, and in the process one of our NPC Solar friends and Taji's Lunar mate have been taken. We have a plan to get them back, and I really hope it's successful! There was some talk Taji might have been taken instead (and it could still happen), which could end up with a story arc where she becomes a Death Knight and we work on her redemption. I am happy whether we go down that route or stick with the main path that we were facing, but I have some anxiety at the idea of her mater being a bad guy - I'll need to get reassurance from my GM that we will be able to redeem him before I am comfortable with that path. I like that I am in a group where I have the confidence to ask for accommodations like that.

Rambles

It feels strange to write here, like I have to pretend I'm not in mourning when I am, or like I have to pretend I'm so deep in mourning that nothing else exists.

And neither's true. Both are true. It's never as simple as black and white; when we think that way, we don't just miss the shades of grey, but a full spectrum of colour.

Going through this bereavement with an understanding that I am autistic and have ADHD helps me understand a lot more about how I have handled (and not handled) grief in the past. It's still a tangled mess in my head; I might find the words one day but at the moment I'm still getting the sense and shape of it.

And this isn't where I wanted to go with my writing here today.

I've been rediscovering my tactile creative side: Ziggy (who now prefers Zigzag as a nickname. He says Zigzag is his Blood Bowl name, and his real name has been relegated to his "other name") let me play with his air-dry clay and I can see that becoming a real hyperfixation if I let it. It was pleasurable to mold the clay, and the ways it shaped surprised me. Waiting for our projects to dry so we can decorate them.

The anthology I'm published in is out in paperback here. I don't get royalties or commission or anything, but I am excited to share it.

What did I want to talk about today? I want to share my joy in the Exalted I'm playing in. I'm back in Second Age Exalted as envisiged by Rich, playing Taji alongside Bells as her twin brother, Kito. I love the relationship between the twins - I really enjoy having a close relationship with another PC. And there's wonderful relationships with the NPC's too, and they are different for each twin. Kito is terrified of Taji's lunar mate, for instance, yet Taji is utterly and deeply in love with him. She knows he's dangerous, but sees him as guardian rather than threat. Then there's the Emissary, a character from the meta but taken into his own by our GM, a friend and mentor - even a father figure - for the twins, supporting them individually as well as guiding them together. I really enjoy the depth of character Rich has created for each of the major NPC's, whether entirely his creation, or inspired by characters named in the book. The love, the fear, the laughter. It's an important part of TTRPG campaigns for me: it's the relationships that keep bringing me back.

I want to offer that to my Hunter group, help them build the bonds between the PC's and give them friendships, meaningful relationships outside as well. I want to give them the ties to make them fight harder...

I'm not sure how to do this, and I won't know what I need to learn until I've tried.

First session hopefully in Feb. Got to confirm and finalise a date.

Wish me luck!

Busy Writing

Cloaked Press have released the cover art for the anthology my story is being included in.

Isn't that beautiful? I'm really excited about it. The kindle version is already available for pre-order. I'll keep you posted regarding the physical copy too.

And also about their next anthology, Depths of Love: My Enemy. I'm not a fan of the "enemies to lovers" trope (although one of my favourite love stories in any TTRPG I've played in is probably Taji and Fury, and it's definitely got enemies to lovers vibes), so it was challenging to try and write for it, and the first idea I had, I just couldn't find an entry point that worked for me (it's an idea I'm going to keep in the back of my mind, though, because I still think it's got potential). The story I eventually submitted arrived in a rush and includes a poem, a playground-rhyme style, which is also way out of my comfort zone. And they accepted it, and that made me really happy.

And then I wrote another piece for their Spring into Sci Fi collection, and I think it's the first piece I've written where I've felt as though, if it isn't accepted it's not because it's bad writing, its because it's not right for this collection. It's a decent bit of writing, and someone will want it. That's a really good feeling.

I'm working on a short story about a small group of orcs. As I write, I'm realising so much about them. Did you know orcs are blue blooded, and that across all orc culture it is taboo to eat other blue blooded creatures? It means they feel that all red bloods - the humans, the dwarves etc - are kinda dirty because they eat other red blooded creatures. This makes me think I'll write more in their world.

Things are going well in my writing world at the moment. That's not to say things are easy in general, but I'm glad to have one area where things feel good. I've got a lot of ideas and the fact I can find dedicated writing time means so much.