2015 Reading Challenge - The Difference Engine, The Children's Book

Way back in January I mentioned the 2015 Reading Challenge, did one post on what I'd read so far, and then failed to update further...

I have, however, continued to read voraciously, with 22 books completed and 2 in progress. I've also managed to tick off 22 challenges, although do not have a unique book per challenge.

Rather than catch you up with 19 books now, I'm going to return to my original plan of giving a handful of books at a time. I'm also not going to catch up in order, because I read a couple of series with other books in between, so it seems more practical to adjust the order slightly in order to put those books together... I've also included the textbooks I'm reading for my OU course, but I don't think it's really worth reviewing those.

The Difference Engine - Bruce Sterling & William Gibson

First published September 1990

Challenges covered

         -  None

I finished 2014 by re-reading a lot of books I hadn't read for a long time. This was on the list, so I re-read it even though it didn't match any of the challenge criteria.

The storyline is simpler than it pretends to be: an alternative history in Victorian London in which the computer age has begun. Ada Lovelace has created some mysterious mcguffin computer punchcards that various people are trying to steal. The plot moves jerkily and opens a lot of interesting avenues that are never explored. I was disappointed that the character I found interesting - Sybil - was abandonned after being built up to be a main character, and when she was reinserted into the plot she didn't feel like the same person. Most of the characters were underdeveloped, leaving their motives unclear and their behaviours seeming erratic.

The concept is pretty cool, and I very much got the feeling that the authors had done a lot of research into notable figures of the era, but I'm not sure that helped: there were moments that seemed to be in the book just to show off something they'd discovered that they thought was interesting, but which didn't progress the plot or ultimately achieve anything other than a distraction.

I remember it being a much better book and I probably shan't bother reading it again, but it is an important novel in establishing the steampunk genre.

The Children's Book by A S Byatt

Published October 2009

Challenges covered:

        -  Book started but never finished

        -  Book owned by never read

        -  By an author not read before

        -  Based on its cover

        -  By female author

I bought this a few years ago because the cover is so pretty. I know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but SO PRETTY! And the blurb on the back suggested it would be a combination of a fairly dark real world story as a framework for stories written for the main character's children, and I liked the sound of that.

I was really disappointed.

When I first tried to read it, I only got a few pages in, which is very unusual for me. The book sat at the bottom of the pile that collects in, on and around my bedside cabinet and I actually forgot all about it until I went hunting for something else, bookmark still in place. I decided to start again and did manage to finish, but quickly discovered my initial fearrs were true: this was not the book I was hoping for.

There are too many main characters and the book spans too long a period - in that a lot of attention is paid to a small time frame in which characters their relationships and the worlds they inhabit are established - so far, so good - and then various time-jumps are made requiring pages of exposition (that in places feel like an historical textbok) in order that all the characters continue to be developed and all the themes maintained. In so many places I felt like screaming "either do this properly and make this a longer book or let some of this go!" By the end, I found I didn't really care about any of the characters or what happened to them and that was a shame because if I had still cared about the characters the last section (crammed in when some real time should have been dedicated to it) would have been very powerful. As it was, I felt as though the only character who needed some kind of comeuppance (Herbert Methley) was the only one we didn't have resolution on.

I'm not saying it's a bad book: I'm saying it's not the book it thought it was going to be - it's too short to fit the expanse intended.

And whilst there are a tiny handful of fairy stories interwoven, they don't add anything to the narrative.

Next set of reviews will probably be Stephen King's Dark Tower series, which overall I really enjoyed.  

Musical A-Z - K

Killswitch Engage

This is another song that gets me singing along on the dancefloor. More fond memories of the club I worked in.

Korn

I loved Korn when I was a teenager, but listened to them again recently and was shocked how misogynistic some of the lyrics are! I like this, though - the juxtaposition of metal and nursery rhyme appeals.

K's Choice 

Back on F, I think I mentioned a wonderful mix-disc made by a friend. This was another song on it. Beautiful.

KT Tunstell

When I was at uni, I suffered quite badly from homesickness particularly in my first year, and Radio One felt like a bit of a lifeline in my tiny room. This song was one that really stands out from that year - it came on one day at just the right moment, turned an anxious and sad day into one full of sunshine and love.

Kylie Minogue

In one of those weird family rituals that no one is quite sure how it originated and no one outside the family can understand, we used to sing this as "I should be so lucky, with my rubber ducky, I should be so lucky luuckkkyyy" when we were out on day trips and wanted ice cream.

 

Musical A-Z - J

Jack Johnson

An Egyptian holiday with my sister. Sunshine. Summer. Love Jack Johnson.

Jackson 5

So I always thought this was the song playing when you first see Selma Hayek in Dogma. Turns out that's Candy Girl by New Edition. Ah well. I got picked on at school with this song because my gym bag had 'abc' and '123' written all over it. Also remember dancing to Blame it on the Boogie at numerous school discos and similar events. And of course, that moment at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy with Want You Back                                      

The Jam

 

I used to work in a pub/nightclub that catered to more alternative music, and this song played frequently on the jukebox.

James

When my little niece was even littler, she used to sit down at your feet and sulk if she didn't get what she wanted, so I used to sing the chorus of this to her. I remember the confused look on her face the first time: she's still barely talking so I'm not sure if she understood the lyrics then, but she has always loved singing and I found it a useful distraction. These days I more often sing her Chili Pepper songs, but I always think of her when I hear this.

Jamiroquai

Jamiroquai is another fun and upbeat artist. Also, this song is my ultimate mis-heard lyrics: I spent years believing it was about having "candy in my heels tonight". Mind you, I'm not entirely sure "canned heat in my ears" makes that much more sense...

Japan

Another from the pub's jukebox - one of our regulars used to put this on quite a lot, and I really liked it. He warned me not to bother listening to the rest of their stuff cos it's not the same, and of course I ignored him and was disappointed, but I still like this song.

Jet

So it's my memory that this was released around the same time as Somebody Told Me by the Killers, and in my mind is the far superior song, yet Jet seem to have sunk into obscurity whilst the Killers are still all over the radio. But just listen to that bouncy bassline and tell me this isn't a fun song.

Johnny Cash

I love Nine Inch Nails but didn't really know Johnny Cash - just that he was a country singer and I emphatically disliked country music (you can blame a school dance class where we were forced to hear Achey Breaky Heart more or less on repeat for a term), so I wasn't exactly happy when I heard he'd covered Hurt. When I heard it, I was blown away and immediately reassessed my opinions. I was still annoyed when my late brother-in-law complained that NIN had covered this and destroyed it in the process, though!

Johnny Cash has the most incredible voice and there is something wondeful about the entire composition here.

Pathfinder Interlude - Partying in Pitax (Jvala's Journal)

Pub we're staying in is 'Stone Giant'. Pretty standard, maybe cleaner than other places but average for the area. Stable space for Flash and Cinder. Near enough to transport out that I don't feel entirely trapped. Decently priced. Food ok. Warm.

Recommend Griffin & Hart if you need to buy/sell magic items in a rush. We've had good service. Staff knowledgable. Branches across Golarion. They'd never heard of a vorpal dagger, said it'd be pretty pointless considering how hard it'd be to make. Still, will keep eye out for them elsewhere.

Pitax is unnaturally clean. Crisp. Unnatural. Tanna agrees. Also the guards are strange - large and armoured so heavily there's no sign of the person. Masked. Creepy.

Rumour that someone tried to assassinate Chester Goldhawk whilst our barons were in town. Need to look into that. Guardhouse first place. Also need to visit Silver Serpent Trade Guild and see if we can get appointments with anyone else they visited.

Bah! Lord Irrevetti is 'too busy' to see us. Being visited by Duchess Caroline of Galt. The others don't want to see her. Think they're wrong, but politics not my strength.

Captain of guards is Stromm. Has lovely wolf but not friendly. Says attempted assassination was successful and several good men also died. Goldhawk was brought back very, very dead, killed by slash wounds from a probably serrated blade. Then he woke up fine and walked away without speaking. Assassinations and coming back from the dead are both unusual here.

Stromm also mentioned high-profile bank heist whilst the barons were in town. Conveniently unavailable for questioning. Vault (Pitax National Bank) emptied, leaving melted object in centre of floor - unidentified. We can investigate unofficially and if we don't get in the way.

Barons visited Lord Asher. Met his senechal - Cuthbert. Barons were 'industrious' in trade deals with Asher estate + SS Trade Guild. Got on well with Asher - stayed 2 nights. Had been sent to Pitax to collect debt to Brevoy. Money was leant during turmoil after Irrevetti arrived from Numeria and took over. The tech he brought has helped the place thrive (no wonder it feels unnatural).

Cuthbert says Goldhawk's assassination was political: was a vocal inquisitor + the son of Eliza Goldhawk - the singer. Very famous up here. 

The PNB robbery hasn't affected Asher estate. Was shocking because everything was stolen even though stored extra-dimensionally.

There was a 'religious kerfuffle' whilst barons were here: all clergy suddenly went to Absalom. (Presume that relates to why we're investigating them?)

Lord Asher arrived as we were leaving so Sam snuck in after and chatted with him. Says assassin after Goldhawk probably 'Red Mantis' - blood-letting assassins on a 'divine mission'. Asher also confirmed the barons helped out in Mivon and that he had a 'close, personal relationship' with them. Says they also met Leochenza, former ruler of Pitax. Irrevetti won rulership from him in cards. Not convinced that's the best way to govern.

SSTG: Xapiri Yasmina owns guild & showed us round. Confirmed barons set up profitable trade deals (mostly iron & silver). Says they're ambitious and their advisor (Gregor) is astute. Described them as "shifty" but also "green as the fields they seemed to claim" - wouldn't have met them if wasn't for Gregor + backing of Brevoy. Glad she did. They're particularly innovative with their magical solutions: SSTG have licence to do same river lighting we saw in Dawnlands. 

On assassination, says Goldhawk can be abrasive and fast rise to power will make enemies - more than most, given his 'persuasion' (half-orc?). Didn't know much about bank heist except they were going to use the same security firm but decided not to. 

At some point, Zab snuck off cos he's spotted a room the rest of us didn't see. Went in and found blueprints for the bank vault and list of contents: SSTG had unspecified "documents" about 6" by 12" stolen. Placed to help them steal the rest? Did barons do just cos they can? Was someone else after those documents, or something else in the vault? There's wild rumours round town - eg a cat did it (always back to cats!). Zabeel reckons (tracks in the dust) that Goldhawk had been there, and assassination was later. How he found out how to get in, why someone tried to kill him or massive coincidence?

Bank won't let us investigate. Said Stromm had said we could and he's a lying bastard who told them he'd never heard of us.

Others want to do more investigating. Ready to leave town, but must make most of it.

Occurs that some kind of ranged communication device - like message spell but longer distance - would be useful. Vodastone! Stones linked and magicked up so you can talk to someone with another stone on the network. Limited uses; need recharging. Griffin & Hart helping with the magic and patent pending.

Bounty board has bounty hunter-turned-assassin, Korvax. Been killing political people: 6 arrows around heart, no sign of struggle. Zabeel found he was hiding out somewhere unknown with spies using rocks to store messages for him. Tried to set him up but he was smarter than that (magic sleep, git), but Zab convinced him to meet again and we ambushed. He fell off the roof and we handed his body in.

Not a normal body. Organic and mechanical organs. Never seen anything like it. Tanna was taken with his tattoos - I think she stole one.

IMPORTANT! We were just back with Griffin & Hart and heard from town cryer that the barons have been missing for over 6 weeks following 'daring mission in the Abyss'. Presumed dead. Things were going well in the World Wound but this is major set back and start of things going wrong. Town cryer says report came from 'Grayson Silversong', staying in Steel Rose.

Steel Rose is kind of pub you'd expect to find bard. Grayson still stands out: flamboyant flute on hip but also braces of daggers across chest, large sword and his eyes!

Says Lord Alexei, Queen Svetlana, Aaron, Evander and Lord Kieran went into the Abyss to stem tide of demons incoming. Since, have been significant demon incursions to south and Baphomet himself appeared on the battlefield and swiped the Herald of Iomedae. Many died: Queen Galfrey barely survived. The plan had been a major push from an opportunity created by the barons, but Baphomet's presence impacted that.

Silversong knew the barons. Says can't decide if they were "brave, foolish, or insane". They did find a treasure horde big enough to fill Drezen. I'm not convinced he's exagerating: all his daggers are horichalcum.

Aaron (who went into the Abyss with them) is a tiefling who hangs around with them. Might be an assassin. Wears red armour. Joined them before they came to Absolam but after attempted assassination. Thinks the tiefling hanged in Absolam (the one who killed all those council members) was the one who tried to kill Goldhawk. Says there was some kind of usurption in the assassin order & the barons and Aaron ended up killing someone called the 'Blood Mistress'. Did Aaron join them to get close to Goldhawk - as a threat or to protect? Lean to protect, if Blood Mistress was one trying to have him killed?

Tieflings can burrow.

Ok, so Silversong joined the barons because he'd heard of Lord Alexei and wanted to study under him. Didn't join them in Abyss (neither did the griffin, Brutus, but their totem cat, Mr Tiddles, did) because he "knows when he's in over his head". Is it that the barons don't know, or aren't? "Yes". 

Oh, and the cat 'tore through demons' in a 'spectacular display of arcane power'. Says all the group impressed him: if any can survive the Abyss, it's them. They entered Nocticula's realm through a hell gate which Queen Galfrey closed behind them. Plan is to return using devices crafted by Lord Alexei. Tanna asked about this: Silversong says items crafted by Lord Alexei have a unique and distinctive aura and are highly prized by their bearers.

Silversong's on his way back to Brevoy to tell Malliard of the Star Towers. I know of 8 of these: something to do with the old gods. Silversong says they're falling. One (near Iz) has been taken.It'd been kept safe by powerful wizards with divine aid but contact lost. Travelling to Malliard because he the only one outside the Arcanium who knows as much as they do there.

Drew magic circle in the ground - weird looking symbols. Needed blood to activate. Says he learnt it from Mr Tiddles. Teleported us all right to Malliard.




I missed the next session, a dungeon hack through an abandonned Rovagug temple. A bit gutted - sounds exactly the sort of thing Jvala would have loved! - but Real Life intervened the way it does sometimes. Will see if I can convince one of the others to do a guest post.... Zabeel, Tanna, looking at you!

Aberrant - Chameleon

He turned, and spoke, and his voice was sibilant. "Who are you?"

We looked at each other and back to the creature. "I'm Hyperdrive. This is Phoenix. What're you?"

"You can call me... Chameleon. Why are you in this place?"

"We heard an explosion and came to find out what was going on. What happened?"

"My friends... attacked me. So I killed them. And now I must finish the job."

"But the innocent people caught in the crossfire?" Even as I said it, I knew that wasn't something he would care about.

"There are no innocent people."

He waited for a moment as Adam and I spoke quickly and silently to try to find a way to stop the major destruction this being could cause - but the amount of quantum floating around warned us we would be no match for him if it came to a fight and we were out of depth when it came to talking him round. He shrugged his shoulders forward as though trying to massage a knot, and large draconic wings erupted from his back, shredding what remained of his shirt. I grabbed Adam and Alastair and flew after him, and it was hard work to keep up. I could hear the other two calling in to the Hub for help to come quickly.

It soon became clear his target was the Metropolitan Police headquarters: he was destroying the lower levels of the building as we got close enough to intervene. I dropped the other two, trusting them to be safe, and flew closer to try and catch the building as it began to fall. To my surprise, the building paused in its descent. I could hear the groan of fatigued metal and saw all the lampposts leaning towards the building, saw cars twitching on the ground as though they wanted to join in. I glanced back and saw the sweat on Adam's face as he concentrated on holding the building together by the metal cables and reinforcement that ran through it. Alastair had vanished: he was teleporting through all nearby buildings, evacuating as many people as he could as Chameleon stepped up his threat.

With Adam carefully lowering the headquarters, Chameleon turned his rage on the flats opposite. Again, I raced to catch it and again Adam was a little quicker, but the strain was starting to tell. Loose metal around him - drain covers, bench frames, street lights, even a car door - were now leaning towards him or already covering him like a strange, cumbersome armour. 

I changed tactics and turned on Chameleon, punching him with all the strength and speed I could muster. He returned the favour and I knew I was outmatched - all I could do was keep hitting and hope help arrived before I couldn't continue. Hoping to keep him at a distance, I grabbed a street light and used it as a spear. It shattered as it hit him. His arm flowed like mercury, becoming a sword which he swung at me, severing my left arm. I punched him again, less worried by my arm than Adam was - the Initiative doctors and scientists could no doubt build me something better (as it happened, it turned out not to be necessary: my arm grew back over several agonising weeks. In some ways, the constant itch and ache of the regrowth was worse than the initial shock of the loss). 

Seeing that I could take more punishment than I think he'd expected, Chameleon turned on Adam and I reckon if that is he hadn't been so cacooned in metal we may have lost him. As it was, he wasn't looking much better than my mangled arm by the time help arrived in the form of Remy and his team, closely followed by our guys and then Pax with Team Tomorrow. Jean and one of Remy's people grabbed Adam and I to one side and held us still as they tried to heal us, or at least fix us up a bit. I struggled against them, keen to return to the fight that I could see wasn't going well even now.

And the air shifted as someone new arrived - the man from the Null Manifesto video. He walked calmly over to Chameleon and threw a single punch. As he connected, there was a flash of light and he teleported away again, to leave splattered remains of the most dangerous nova I've yet faced.

Although Adam and I aren't entirely convinced there were enough remains. Maybe it's residual anxiety from the fight, but part of us thinks there weren't enough remains and someone that powerful could surely have teleported out enough of Chameleon to rebuild him - particularly given how quickly we recovered.

We recuperated. Whilst my arm regrew, Adam researched Chameleon. Despite his alien appearance, he was a nova, a former policeman with a wife and daughter. Once he'd erupted, he'd been given more and more dangerous missions. These left him increasingly anxious and irrational, but rather than treating him for PTSD or offering counselling, they increased the frequency of his missions until he became too dangerous for them to handle. At this point, it was decided to do away with him - with the outcome we witnessed.

When Stef went back to this research later, to try to find more about his family, this had all been wiped from the record so utterly that even she could find no trace of it.

It was interesting to note that the press never showed who, ultimately, took care of Chameleon. There was a lot of anti-nova feeling, so perhaps the idea was to try to contain that the nova calling for novas to be dealt with under nova law was the only one who could control the situation - but I'd be naive to believe that. The press (or whoever pulls their strings) didn't want it known that novas could deal with other novas, and that novas who spoke for separating nova rights would contain a threat to the baseline populace. It certainly made me feel more comfortable with Terragen, but increased my fear of reprisals by baselines on the baselines I care about.

And Terragen released the footage, pouring petrol on the flames. I think they were right to do so, but should have done so sooner. I imagine they were giving the benefit of the doubt, waiting for it to be commented on by others, but the timing caused more friction.

Alastair summoned us - reassured us the still-absent Rachel was ok and suggested we all took some time off and laid low. Everyone agreed, making various mutterings about seeing family and heading away on extended holidays. Alastair promised an eye would be kept on my baseline friends, and I went home to see if I could convince Steve to come away with me.

He was surprisingly amenable: Holly, all of 15, had recently sat the last of her A-levels and was already looking to see what other courses she could do. He wasn't cross for the influence Alastair, Stef and I had had on her - she's smart by herself and has thrived under our tutoring - but did feel she needed a break. A trip to New Zealand was booked to leave the following week. Not knowing exactly how long we'd be away meant I missed New Year at the Styx, but Bill had decided not to host one anyway... I'm really worried about him, but not sure what to do.

New Zealand was amazing - as beautiful as I remembered, although the bungee jumping and white water rafting rather loses something when you've flown to space. Holly and Steve enjoyed it - more than they expected! 

Alastair had asked that Adam and I keep mental communication to an absolute necessary only, leaving my head feeling a little empty. Similarly, all phone calls to be made on burner phones and as infrequently as possible - something had him really worried. I wasn't entirely surprised when he contacted me to say he'd be arranging a meeting soon and added that he thought I might be being followed (if I was, they were very good - even on high alert I saw no signs) and that he hadn't told the others yet but was concerned the security of the Hub had been breached.

We were in New Zealand for 6 weeks before we flew back (by aeroplane - slow and boring, but more subtle) so that I could head to a secret location in Scotland. The team arrived by different entrances to be greeted by Alastair and Jen.

Musical A-Z - I

Idlewild

This is partly here to bulk things out. Idlewild are one of those bands I like when I hear but never really think of.

Incubus

 

Incubus are one of my favourite bands. My very favourite Incubus song is Stellar. My favourite album is probably Make Yourself, although that is subject to change. My second favourite song is probably the one that follows this on the S.C.I.E.N.C.E. album, Favourite Things, but Certain Shade of Green is the one I've danced to the most frequently and I love it.

Yeah... short one today!

CrumbBowl 2015

Way back in April, there was what might be my favourite BloodBowl tournament of the year (particularly as ARBBL Pick 'n' Mix won't be running): Crumb Bowl! It takes its name from the nearby Cake Bowl (where I came second last year), but is a one, rather than two, day event.

Crumb is intended to encourage new players into the tournament circuit, so there's an extra prizes for the person who places highest out of those who've been to fewer than 4 or fewer tournaments. In keeping with the friendly and sporting nature of the event, I like either to take a lower tier team or a team I know I'm not very good with. This year, I left it all to the last minute and arrived only knowing I wanted to use halflings, with no firm idea on the line-up. That's how I ended up with this:

Of course, I've played with no re-rolls before, but with halflings I've always taken the chef to deny my opponent theirs, so this was a little intimidating. I knew I wasn't going to do very well, but suspected I'd have a lot of fun nonetheless.

There's an unusual award that I'm only aware of at Crumb: SChWiNG - 'the Society of Chainsaw Wielding Naughty Goblins'. This is given for all casualties caused that wouldn't earn star player points and therefore don't count towards your casualty total: crowd surfs, fouls, secret weapons etc. Glowworm, who runs the tournament, is a big fan of goblins. He also awards the International Glowworm Award for fourth place (this was created independently and synchronously by Husbit (Lunchmoney) and Hudson after Glow came fourth at several consecutive tournaments).

Finally, Crumb is played indoors so there's no weather: a roll of seven on the kick off table instead indicates a D6+fame roll, the winning receiving a card based on the 50k deck but edited to ensure nothing generally considered game breaking.

Game One - JS1978's Darkside Cowboys (Old Boys) (Dark Elves)

Quick note on the name: for the first time I've come across, two coaches showed up with the exact same team name - Dark Elf teams both called Darkside Cowboys. The other coach was FFFS of Caterham School. I'm sure it's happened before and I've seen plenty of very similar team names in the past, but this was the first time I was aware of team names having to be amended slightly to avoid confusion.

Anyway, James was a new opponent for me and that's always a nice way to start a tournament. He won fame and I won kick-off, so elected to receive. A high kick gave me confidence for a one-turn and early score, but a failed GFI to hand off gave the dark elves an opportunity to grab the ball. Things got worse for the 'flings when the double-skilled player Mr Go failed his dodge and died on the next turn... A wrestling witch elf then put Deep Root on the floor when he tried to hit her - another fling came running in to kick her for a stun, but the ref saw and it was bye-bye to the halfling. Mr Kick, the sneeaky git, was killed the next turn but the 'flings knew they needed to take foul opportunities - and not just because they wanted to be in the running for the SChWiNG award! The next turn this paid off and the witch elf was killed. Bertha then attempted to terrify the ball carrier by blitzing the corner of the cage, but the dark elf managed to dodge away and score.

Another high kick caught by the 'fling who ran beneath again cheered up the little guys. A failed hand off meant things started to look bleak, but the ball was eventually caught by the fling who'd had it in the first place. The dark elves weren't best pleased so knocked it loose again. It bounced .... and bounced .... and bounced .... and was caught by a tree! This was not good news: the tree was too far from the end zone to get there himself, but the nearby halfling was so shocked he failed to catch the ball when it was handed to him. This meant the dark elves did what they do and managed to grab the ball from 2 tackle zones and score after a failed GFI kept the halflings from interfering.

The first turn of the second half, and the second casualty on the flings as Mr Slick was stretchered from the pitch. But now it's the dark elves who can't hand off and the 'flings worked hard - accepted both down results on blocks - to keep the maximum halfling and minimum dark elf tackle zones around the ball. The excitement was clearly starting to get to Bertha, as she failed repeated bonehead rolls to get up, having fallen on a GFI. Mr Elm and Deep Root worked together to finally kill a dark elf on a block, but the dark elves succeeded both GFI's needed to score again.

A weather result on the next kick off meant the halflings won an extra hand off or passing action - perfect for that one-turn TD I wanted. But of course I forgot that the halflings had failed to turn up to catching practice, and the second hand off failed. A lot of shoving and failing to pick up followed, with several double skulls from halflings and Bertha.

Final score: TD 0-3, CAS 2-2, SChWiNG 1-0

Game Two - Tank15 BDC (Beat Down Clan) (Norse)

I think I may have played Graeme once before, but I'm not certain (it gets like that after awhile...). He won both fame and kick off, but his first turn saw him skull into Bertha (a continuation of the luck that had plagued his first game). The 'flings took the opportunity to try to surf an unfortunately placed blitzer - but fell on a both down (bloody Norse with all their block!). Another fling was sent off for fouling a blitzer shortly afterwards - for nothing more than a stun - and it took until turn 3 before anyone managed to pick up the ball. This was a better turn for the Norse: they also managed to knock over Bertha and a few of the 'flings. In revenge, the 'flings knocked over several line guys and Mr Elm blitzed and killed the Ulf carrying the ball. The Norse managed to recover the ball but the star player was having none of it when they tried to get him to take the ball. Another 'fling stunned himself against the blocking team, which meant that the Norse were able to scoop up the ball - but ended the same turn skulling into a 'fling. Deep Root killed one of the line guys, but the 'fling who went after the ball carrier also scored a skull. All the same, it took until turn 6 before the Norse managed to KO a 'fling. Bertha responded by killing another line guy. The Norse managed to score on turn 8 after Deep Root fumbled the attempt to throw a 'fling in the way, so the 'flings used the final turn of the half to try and inflict some damage: more stuns and another sending off for stun.

The second half commenced with the ball out of range to allow a one-turn TD, so the 'flings killed two line guys and knocked out a third. The Norse sent their star player to mark the ball carrier - so Deep Root blitzed him out of the way. A successful hand off was followed by a failed dodge to give the new ball carrier sufficient protection (bloody tackle!), and (turn 10) the Norse finally managed to kill a 'fling and succeeded in getting the ball loose. The 'flings quickly grabbed it, but Bertha was in a world of her own so couldn't protect them... which meant it was soon knocked loose once more. Fortunately, the Norse don't have the ball collecting skills of the Dark Elves and it remained on the floor. Tree vs Ulf seemed a pretty safe bet, but a stunned tree later meant I was glad the following turn when the Norse still didn't have the ball, although another dead 'fling meant the relief was bitter. A weather card of custard pie meant the Norse tackle zone on the ball was negated and the little guys grabbed and ran - Bertha waking up long enough to follow. It was still a precarious position for them, so there was no surprise when the ball fell loose again. The dead tree, however, was more unexpected. The flings pounced on the loose ball, only to find it in the hands of the Norse the next turn. In an effort to recover it, a 'fling skulled himself to the dead box. The Norse ran with the ball, knocking Bertha over on the way. She wasn't best pleased and chased them down, but only managed to shove the ball carrier. She was knocked over in the dying moments of the game, giving the ball carrier the chance to throw the ball for a TD.

Final Score: TD 0-2, CAS 5-4, SChWiNG 0-0

Game Three - Frogboy Warped Rat (Skaven)

Rory was another new opponent - one of the things I love about Crumb. Again, I lost fame but won kick off and elected to receive. 

The first turn went well, with Deep Root killing a line rat and the ball feeling vaguely safe in a sort-of cage. The rat ogre then knocked Bertha down whilst the gutter runners started sprawling up the pitch. Bertha got straight back to her feet, and a startled 'fling killed the double-skilled (kick & wrestle) gutter runner. The rat ogre knocked Bertha back down and the gutter runners stunned three 'flings - including the ball carrier. The 'flings acted quickly to put as many tackle zones around the ball as possible, and Mr Elm ran off to assist Bertha, but failed his GFI. The rats blitzed one 'fling onto the ball, only for it to land in the hands of another. Deep Root came to help build the basket/cage to protect the ball carrier, and the team knocked out a line rat. The loose basket shape at the back of the cage confused the rats, so they knocked out one of the 'flings standing there to get some access. Bertha then tried to clear a bit of path, but ended up skull/both down into the gutter runner with block, meaning a blitzer was stood next to the ball carrier. The ball flew from his dead hands - Deep Root nearly caught it, but it landed in the square the 'fling had just been removed from. The rat ogre attempted to move one of the 'fling tackle zones from the ball, but failed, so a gutter runner showed him how it was done, killing the other. Another gutter runner grabbed the ball and threw it to the third. Bertha was enjoying her nap on the pitch too much to help out, and Deep Root got carried away when he saw his opportunity to blitz, meaning the 'fling flung at the ball carrier could only stand in front to force dice rolls - something the blitzer was more than happy to do, with another 'fling heading to the dead box whilst the rats put the first score on the board.

A blitz put all the gutter runners in my half of the pitch before the 'flings had time to blink. Deep Root killed another line rat, but Bertha rolled skull/both downs against the blocking gutter runner for the second time. Fortunately, the 'flings were able to capitalise on a gutter runner's failed pick up, snatching the ball out the air as it bounced over them. Bertha continued to nap on the pitch as Mr Kick skulled himself to the dead box against a gutter runner, meaning the rats could get the ball free and score as the half ended.

A quick snap as the second half began helped the rats get the ball and move it down the pitch with sufficient interference to cause problems for the 'flings. Deep Root attempted to throw someone into range, but again dropped them. Fortunately, a few flings were in range to get in the way of the ball carrier... One of these died as the blitzer struck again, and the gutter runner happily dodged the others to score once more.

When the ball sailed off the pitch for the next kick off, Bertha promised to pay attention and was handed the ball (Deep Root being just too slow to make it down the pitch in time). 'Flings ran in to support her, but placed themselves badly and Bertha found herself pushed into the crowd. The ball landed in his end zone, so a blitzer ran to stand next to it. A weather card meant the only 'fling in range lost his ability to hold a ball, so another 'fling was thrown in. A failed dodge ended the turn and enabled a gutter runner to get to the ball - freed up by the blitzer - and pass it to the second gutter runner. A hand off to the third and suddenly the ball's nearly in my end zone... A thrown 'fling knocked himself out and another skulled himself to death, allowing the gutter runner to score with no hindrance.

At this point, only 2 'flings were healthy enough to return to the pitch. Deep Root shoved the rat ogre, Mr Ash knocked out another rat and Mr Elm fell over - but at least took his line rat down with him. In the confusion, the 'flings forgot to cover the ball, so the gutter runners ran forward... Deep Root managed to knock the rat ogre over, but the 'flings couldn't dodge, so the gutter runners grabbed the ball and scored again.

Another weather card meant that a heckler in the crowd upset one of the gutter runners enough he wasn't paying attention when the halfling ran in to grab the ball that had landed by him. Deep Root again knocked the rat ogre over and Bertha finally managed to stun a gutter runner. The rats ran in to get as many tackle zones as they could. Deep Root happily killed the rat's thrower, but another 'fling copied Bertha by rolling skull/both down against the blocking gutter runner. The 'fling, however, was not as tough as the ogre and died to end the game.

Final score: TD 0-5, CAS 4-7, SChWiNG 0-0

As predicted, I did terribly but had great fun - with that score, I was a little surprised not to win the wooden spoon, but the recipient had done no casualties so deserved it more than I. I was a little disappointed not to have achieved more SChWiNG casualties, and at one point hoped I might get somewhere on the most casualties challenge - Husbit won that, with 18 (Chaos Pact against goblins, dwarves and chaos dwarves, so he was very pleased - both the goblin trolls are listed amongst the casualties caused, and he only took 7 casualties, giving him the best net score as well).

If you're interested in trying out a Blood Bowl tournament and live in or can get to the Wiltshire area, there's talk of it being a two-day event next year and I highly recommend it as a good introduction to the local circuit. We're a good bunch and love to have new players join us.

The next tournament on our circuit is Cake Bowl in Swindon in about 5 weeks. I may or may not be there, but it's an awful lot of fun if you like a skills-heavy game. The next Exiles event is SpeedBowl, the week after.